YOU!!!YEAH YOU!!!!!!

Do I have to write this all over again?? like writing the pain I feel for everything that had happened??... I just read almost all the blog entries I had before.. And I was dissapointed that its happening again.. Yeah.. like Lala said, the never ending dramatic entries...

I'm so full of this shit! I tried to be nice, cool and making myself strong.... pero this guy, texted me saying fucking shit and accusing me that i'm fooling him daw... hell you! i never did anything bad to you! you were mad because I sent you a blank page?? what the! I pitty you so much..

you know what, thanks for making me feel that FEELING again... sayang, wala na si PYAR.. haha!!! gusto mong magkasakitan tayo ha! sige, sakitan na to...

sayang! dahil minahal pa rin kita.. kahit magkasama kame ni joey, ikaw pa rin ang iniisip ko! dahil may feelings pa rin ako sayo... alam mo, siguro kung hindi ko hinayaang mahalin pa rin kita, malamang masaya pa rin ako.. hindi na ko nasaktan ulit. sabi nga niya, bakit pa ko bumalik sa past ko.. alam ko ganun din ang mga sinasabi nila sayo na bakit mo pa ko binalikan.. sana pinakinggan na lang natin sila noh.. pero wala eh.. nagpakatanga pa rin tayo.. hinayaan nating magsama na naman tayo knowing na magssuffer na naman tayo...

I hate the feeling of hating you, you know that?????..... but youre forcing me to....

after 3 years, still we ended badly.. I thought I can make friends with you.. I thought were okay.. but yeah, were not...

i dont know what will happen next...

thanks for ruining my day.. you just accused me without seeing the time when you received the text... mas nauna akong magtext sayo! we had a 10minute break non then nagyoyosi ako... nagpapansin lang ako sayo.. kaya I sent you a blankpage... and so what if you texted me a blank page then i replied you the same??.... does it matter?? huh?? wala namang masama dun ah! you know what, gumawa ka lang nang ikagagalit mo eh.. tama bang sabihin mo sa kin na tinatarantado lang kita dahil akala mo gumanti ako ng pagsend ko ng blank page?? eh mas nauna nga ako eh!!!! naintindihan mo ba yon????!!!!!!!!!!!!!ako ang naunang magtext! at wala ka namang dahilan para magalit eh! dahil walang kwentang issue if I texted you a blank page!

nakakurat ka! tangina talaga.. muntik na nga ako mamatay twice yesterday! first was the jeepney we were riding had a flat tire..... buti na lang nasa gilid kame ng road... kung hindi, malamang nabangga na kame.. at siguro nasa hospital na ko ngayon... suffering.... siguro if nangyari yun, hindi mo ko magaganto... hindi mo ko masasaktan.. wala ka sigurong magagawang dahilan para awayin ako ng walang kakwenta kwentang text! second was i was about to get off the jeepney then nasa gilid din kame ng road non dahil bababa nga ako... then this freakin fx, nakabuntot pa rin sa likod ng jeepney....pagkababa ko, as in ilang metro na lang ang natitira....eh mabilis pa naman ang pagpatakbo niya.. oh diba, what a day!!???!!!!!!!! shit happens... muntik na ko mamatay noh?? haha!!! 7 lives left.. (ano ko, pusa?) ^_^

geeezzzzzzzzz!!!!!!!!!what a nice day....

well.. to end this shit, i just wanna thank Lala, my bestfriend Maggie, Louie and Rey-my officemates, Jen, Kevin-my bestfriend's bf.... and to those people who cares about me...

I miss my old life... in IBM.. Jarvey was right.. what we have in eBay was the easiest job in all call centers........shit! I regret that I resigned there... But hopefully, i can still be with that company.. and I miss my previous wavemates....

~out~

LALA..

thanks for reading my entries... this is the only time that someone stranger reading my blog.. haha.. well, thanks for the advices.. this would be so hard for me facing my new life ALONE.... i know there are still people who loves me... like my friends and family... but the thing is... PILAY NA ANG BUHAY KO....

Nieko was a great help changing my life.. before, I feel that I am unwanted.. unpretty.. but when he came into my life, it started to change... pero siyempre, were not perfect... nagbabago rin lahat... maybe now, we are destined to separate muna.. magkaron ng space... i'm the one actually who asked him about it.. though its so hard for me to break up with him, i have to do it.. we both suffer from each others behavior... we both need some space.. to breathe new air... refresh.. unwind...

on July 28, 3rd anniversary na sana namen.. quite tough para iwan nalang basta yun diba??

kanina magkatext kame.. actually, una muna akong nagtext before I sleep.. umaga na ako nauwi from work eh.. I texted him like I was saying that I am still here for him.. that I still want him back.. or basta ayoko siyang mawala sa buhay ko.. kahit friends lang muna.. and then pagkagising ko, eto... bumungad sa kin ang napaka worst na text.. he said na we should break our communication at wala nang pakialamanan.. hindi niya alam yung sakit na nararamdaman ko everytime he says that stupid words! it makes me feel more na wala akong kwentang tao.. I cried... cried.. cried.. and cried.. at ngayon.. VWALA!!!!!! ang ganda ng eyes ko!!! namamaga!!!! pakshet...

pero in the end, naging maayos na rin... sa ngayon, though I still care for him, nandito na yung feeling na STOP MUNA TAYO AS FRIENDS.. DAHIL MAKAKATULONG SA TIN TO...

we have a lot of differences.. Cancer siya, ako Virgo.. which never been a COMPATIBLE partners in terms of relationship.. pero kahit ganun.. minahal pa rin namen ang isat isa... siyempre, love is ACCEPTING ONES FLAW....

Love... mahirap na masarap.... pero kapag kelangan na ni KUPIDO na magpahinga... kelangan na ring magpahinga ng puso namen... pakshet ang baduy ko! ......

but to tell you the truth, ayoko siyang mawala sa buhay ko... basta yun na yun.. maging kame man o hindi in the end, basta, ayokong mawala siya sa buhay ko..

~out~

nandito ako ngayon sa office.. napahatid ako sa bestfriend ko at sa bf niya..

nagpunta sila sa bahay dahil sa isang rason..

rason kung bakit ako umiiyak tuwing gabi..

rason kung bakit ako walang gana sa training..

rason kung bakit hindi na ko makapag isip ng tama sa lahat ng bagay..

rason kung bakit ang tingin ko sa sarili ko eh napaka walang kuwenta ko..

.......


hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko..

basta ang alam ko, nagmahal lang ako.
hindi mo naman ako kelangan pahirapan eh..
just tell me kung ano na ba ang gusto mo..
yung huling pagkikita natin nun, planado ko talagang magpunta sa inyo para lang makita kita.. napaiyak ako sa sobrang lungkot at pagka miss sayo.. tapos nakulitan ka lang sa kin sa text, ganun mo na lang ako kung murahin??..

ano na ba ang nangyari sayo?? ano na ba ang meron bakit mo ko ginaganito??

may nagtulak ba sayo para gawin lahat to??

sabihin mo lang, please naman..

kung sa tingin mo nahihirapan ka na,

eh ano pa kaya ang nararamdaman ko..

hindi ko na alam kung ano na ba tayo..

basta alam ko,

mahal kita kaya ganito ako..

pero please lang sabihin mo kung ano na ang gusto mo...

para alam ko kung ano na ang susunod kong gagawin..

mahal kita..

~out~

GUYS!!!! good news!! Im getting off MAKATI and moving to Alabang on Monday!! haha!! I got 86% as my final grade in CCT Training!! GOOD JOB!! ^_^

I gotta lot of things to say but.. I'll just summarize it..

First, I'm missing my Nieko... All the things I am doing is for him.. and also for my family.