IDLE TIME
I'm here in the office,still waiting for another call .. its idle ... so i have more time to think, think, and more think of what should i do with my life .. I always read Abbie's blog ... yup, its so inspiring ... that little girl .. we used to be bestfriends.. and well, whatever happens, she will always be a part of my life ...

I wish I can be like Abbie, like Maggie-- my very bestfriend .... and all of the people who knows how to be optimistic ..... these two young women, will always tell me before, that I AM SO NEGA ...

Why cant I be like them ... enjoying life... worrying nothing ...

Why did I grow up like this ..
Why should I be born like this ..
Maybe we are all correct ... God has plans.. God made me like this because there might be a hidden reason ....
Well, I wish I would know immediately my reason for living ...
I am so upset right now ..
God forgive me for being like this ..
Im trying to control my anger .. but no one is helping me ..
I know You are there for me, for all of us .. and I know You will all tell us that we should trust ourselves..
but how will I ever trust myself if I dont know how to trust other people as well? :(
THINK.
THINK.
and DIE .
~out~

GOOD BYE MY FRIEND ...

Jan. 09, 2008 , --in Cavite City, my friend died in a car accident ... sleeping... and drunk ....

It was so hard for all of us to accept what had happened to him .. The news really strucked our hearts when we knew what happened to Roberto Arias, Jr .... 20 yrs of age ... on his 4th yr taking up Bs Com Sci in De La Salle University -Dasmarinas ....

Hep-- his nickname..

Even if im not that close to him, I never failed to say "hi" whenever I saw him outside the school while waiting for my boyfriend ...

Naging anak anakan pa namen ni Mark to ... kasi kapag magkakasama kame sa house ng classmate niya, kame ni Mark ang nag aasikaso ng food, at dishwashing...

He would always play his favorite "LADY MARMALADE" sa pc ni Aaron .... and my friend will tease him "bading yan si Hep eh" .. and we will all laugh ....

Last night.. around 8pm ... my boyfriend and I went to his burial .... and GOD I almost cry ..... sobrang ibang iba ang itsura ni Hep ... na parang hindi mo iisipin na siya yun ... pero siya talaga eh, tignan na lang sya sa buhok, hep na hep na ...

ang hirap isipin na yung tropa namen na halos kapag dumadalaw ako sa dasma, siya yung una una kong nakikita at binabati, bigla na lang nawala ... ng WALANG KALABAN LABAN ..... :(

I saw his ex girlfriend.. Len din ang name .. and we talked before sa phone nung tinawagan niya si Hep--sila pa non time na yun .... and she told us na nagparamdam si Hep sa kanya the night before we went to Hep's burial .... nanaginip daw siya na kahawak kamay si Hep, they were both crying , at nakapatong yung kamay nila sa coffin ni Hep ... (im having goosebumps right now!!!!!!!!!!!!) ....... and sinabi ni Len kay Hep na "bakit hindi ka lumaban... " .. and he replied: "lumaban ako pero hindi ko kinaya" ..... OMG !!!!!! TUMATAYO TALAGA BUHOK KO NGAYON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And i forgot to include sa introduction, nandito ako sa computer shop na tinatambayan namen lagi... kung saan lagi ko nakikita si Hep ....

sobrang nakakapang hinayang, ang sakit para sa amin na mawalan ng kaibigan ... naisip ko, alam na kaya ni Hep? .... baka hindi pa.. baka nandito pa sya sa shop, nakaupo, nanood sa mga naglalaro, gaya ng ginagawa niya noon ...

Kasi nung namatay siya, tulog siya nun ....

ang sakit nung pagkakamatay niya ....

samantalang yung 2 kasama niya, nabuhay ...

tumama kasi yung kotse sa posteng sementado ... 3 hati daw at nakatayo pa rin yung poste ... tumama ang ulo ni Hep ... derederecho pa sila sa tubig .. diba may dagat sa Cavite City .. sobrang tragic ng nangyari ...

tulog siya, nabangga sa poste, nahulog pa sa tubig .......

sana sa mga oras na to, alam na ni Hep kung anong nangyari sa kanya ...

Hep, wherever you are, you will always be here in our hearts. .

in memory of :

ROBERTO ARIAS, JR.

Nov.10, 1987 - Jan. 09, 2008

GOODBYE HEP .....